After reading it, my mother commented on the systemic issue of violence against women and girls, sexism and misogyny. We spoke about sexism in religious spaces, in cultures, and in institutions. Her comment on women’s complicity in acts of subjugation of women was not pleasing to my ears. I’ve based my little activism on shedding light on the role the society (which is controlled by men) plays in subjugating women and nothing was going to stand in my way. You see, when it comes to my feminist activism, I really do not bode well with placing the blame on a victimized group. My mother has done research work on feminist literature and thus, bases her opinions on not only what she has experienced, but what she has read and heard, which we often talk about. So after defending her stance on the issue of women’s complicity with solid arguments, she told me to look both ways and to write on what I feel and think. So here goes nothing.

In the society, acts that bring women down are more often than not, supported by other women. From that auntie who tells your parents to not be so much invested in your education but rather in your being a good wife to an imaginary future husband to the women in the extended family who assist in meting out atrocities to widows in the name of widowhood rites right to that senior female colleague who viciously criticizes your clothing choices and makes snide remarks about your worth in the workplace. Women don’t have it easy so it baffles me to realize how women don’t make it easy for other women either. I almost always excuse my gender when it comes to issues such as these because of how patriarchy is damaging to every woman and how that can influence the way we treat other women. My mother talked about how it is important to get all women on board if we want to cause great social change and why we should stop excusing the acts of women with all expediency. I countered with the fact that feminism is not a unitary concept and we don’t have to have every woman on board before we can cause a wave of change. But don’t we? History proves time and time again that a united front is essential in rallying for radical change and even the recent #ENDSARS protests proves how powerful a united front is to any cause.

We may not need every woman on board before we disintegrate the oh-so-seemingly-addictive air of patriarchy that the gatekeepers of religion, traditions and the society at large can’t seem to get enough of but we do need a collective effort such that, women who are on the stands do not take us five steps backwards for every one step we take forward. And by us, I mean feminists and SJWs. So is it Stockholm’s? Is it that women have been so much imprisoned by the hold of patriarchy that they have come to cherish the very thing causing havoc? Is that it? Is that the reason why some women meet a feminist’s attempt at demolishing the structures of patriarchy with scorn and an uncooperative stance? Or are we just so keen on blaming women for everything wrong with the world that we fail to recognize their cry of help? Is it that we are not using the right tools and language to engage with women who are crippled by their internal misogyny? Are we just gatekeeping women empowerment that it becomes unattractive and a far reach for women in different social classes with different religious ideologies?

Whatever the answer to my myriad of asked and unasked questions is, we need to do better. It is important that we invest in a grassroots education of women on the effects that the negative tenets of the society have on all of us, and help them recognize the need to step into their light and recognize the potential that they have in rejecting principles and ideologies that seek to subjugate them. And oh dear men, leave women the hell alone.